Not On Assignment

A journo's jottings under no deadline pressure (since Jan 1, 2010)

Archive for the ‘Eavesdropping’ Category

Eavesdropping: Sagely advice

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Chhotu, the 14-something delivery boy of our local grocery store, to a housewife:
Tamatar dabaa ke khao. Chaubis rupaiya kilo ho gaya hain. Kal chaalis rupaiya tha!”

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Written by Raju Bist

December 23, 2013 at 9:34 am

Posted in Eavesdropping

Eavesdropping: “Aye bhai!”

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At the railway station, a commuter rushing down the staircase:

“Aye bhai… o Lal Shirt wala, zara jaldi chal na, train nikal jayegi!”

Written by Raju Bist

October 16, 2012 at 7:41 am

Posted in Eavesdropping

Eavesdropping: Lecture ka bahana

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As the local train neared an important station, the passengers inching their way to the door started getting impatient.
“Hey you, young man, yes, I am talking to you,” barked out a retiree with a long flowing white beard like Rabindranath Tagore’s. “Will you remove that huge haversack from your back? It is hurting me in this crowd.”
Without a murmur, without looking back even once, the young collegian slipped off the bag from his shoulders and held it in his hand.
Mission accomplished, the old man then went on a tirade: “Why can’t these young fellows hold their bags in their hands like everybody else does? And why should they use these stupid bags? What these boys don’t know is that excessive use of these bags will affect the nerves on their shoulders. They will not realise it now but will regret once they become a little old. I say, it’s just fashion and nothing else. There are so many other better options available but these boys are just aping their peers in the use of these silly bags.”

Written by Raju Bist

August 11, 2012 at 12:02 pm

Posted in Eavesdropping

Eavesdropping: No takers…

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In a train compartment:

Young Man 1: Seeing you after a long time, man! Shaadi-waadi banayi ki nahin?
Young Man 2: Nahin yaar, there’s a peculiar problem…
“Why, what’s wrong?”
“You know that I am originally from Chennai, isn’t it? My folks have been looking around for a girl for quite some time now. Everything goes well and then…”
“Why, what happens?”
“The girl’s parents back off when they find out I am working in Mumbai. `We don’t want our daughter to stay in that horrible city,’ ” they say.

Written by Raju Bist

July 16, 2012 at 7:44 am

Posted in Eavesdropping

Eavesdropping: Of roses and V-Day

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On the morning of Valentine’s Day (day before yesterday) three UP/Bihar types on a park bench.
First Guy: What is all this chakkar about Valentine’s Day? Are you supposed to give only red roses?
Second Guy: Nahin baba, you can give any colour – red, yellow, pink, white, orange… any colour you like.
Third Guy: Yes, but don’t give a black rose!
FG: So, are you carrying roses for the madam in our office?
TG: Are you mad? That khadoos will have me immediately thrown out! Hey, you got married just two months ago. Are you buying roses for your madam at home?
SG: No, no, the flowers will be very expensive today. Instead, I will give her a bar of Cadbury’s chocolate…

Written by Raju Bist

February 16, 2012 at 7:44 pm

Eavesdropping: In which what matters is the circumference of the eye

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One male friend to another:
“The office party got over and she tagged along with me. She was very drunk.
`Where would you like to go? Would you like me to drop you home?’ I asked her.
`No, let’s catch an auto and drive around for some time,’ she replied.
In the auto I asked her, `It’s very late. Don’t you want to go home?’
She smiled that sweet smile of hers and asked me a question in return: `If you were married and had a 20-year-old daughter and if she came home drunk, how would you feel?’
We sat in silence for some time.
Suddenly she told me, `The auto driver is staring at me in the mirror.’
I didn’t know what to say so I started laughing.
After some time I asked her, `Why did you agree to come with me?’
`Because you are safe.’
`And how did you arrive at that conclusion?’
Her answer stumped me.
`That’s because you have very large eyes.’ “

Written by Raju Bist

July 31, 2011 at 11:11 pm

Posted in Eavesdropping

Eavesdropping: What Raj and Randhir Kapoor have in common

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One young man to another: “What is behind this fascination of the Kapoors for beautiful women called Nargis? First it was Raj Kapoor. And now his grandson’s latest flame is also called Nargis.”

Written by Raju Bist

March 12, 2011 at 9:48 pm

Posted in Eavesdropping