Not On Assignment

A journo's jottings under no deadline pressure (since Jan 1, 2010)

Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category

Ways of godmen

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NEWSPAPER HEADLINE
2 Sep 2013
Asaram Bapu arrested on charges of sexually assaulting minor girl in his Jodhpur ashram
The headline was enough for our house help to recount her one and only encounter with godmen:
“A wandering sadhu baba had stopped in our village for a few days. I was surprised to see that he was so young. He was giving diksha (passing on of sacred wisdom) and all the womenfolk of our village were keen to meet him. I was not but on being goaded on by my mother-in-law, I agreed to visit the baba in the makeshift tent that was his temporary ashram.
“When I reached the place, one of the young girls of our village was already inside. Curiosity got the better of me and I opened the tent flap a little to one side. What I saw inside shocked me.
“The baba was whispering something into the girl’s ear but all the while he held her in a tight embrace.
“I ran away from the place!”

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Written by Raju Bist

September 3, 2013 at 10:43 am

Posted in Uncategorized

Why he comes home late from his morning walks

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Good friend AD is a regular when it comes to morning walks. For many months an elderly gentleman – let’s call him SK – has been his walking partner.
But of late AD has been noticing something odd. SK lingers on in the garden they walk in long after the other regulars have gone home.
Here, in in his own words, is SK’s secret: “If I go home early, my daughter-in-law tells me, `Babuji, please bring milk from the shop’ or `Babuji, please drop Munna to school.’ My bahu is always keen on making me work. It’s better I hang around in the garden for a longer time.’

Written by Raju Bist

May 18, 2013 at 10:06 pm

Posted in Uncategorized

The wit and humour of PU

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PU is one of the wittiest girls I have ever around. A born comic, she is aware of her talents and wants to make a career in radio or on stage. But this being India, her parents want her to take up a “respectable” and “steady” career in India.
As she awaits a job – even while her other classmates have already started earning – PU has not lost her sense of humour:
“Since I am now sitting bekaar at home, my mom does not miss a single opportunity to make use of my skills. `Beta kuch ni kar rahe ho… chal mutter cheel,’ she will say, or `Beta bai char dino se nahin aayi hain chal zara jhadu poncha maar de.’ ”


Written by Raju Bist

May 9, 2013 at 10:53 am

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Start writing the obit…

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These days it’s all about the eventual demise of the Kaali Peeli, the iconic black and yellow Premier Padmini model cab in Mumbai. Other newer, more nimble Santros and Altos and Omnis are on the road now and it is now only a matter of a few years when the last of the Kaali Peeli would have been taxied into history.
So when you end up sitting in one of them, the cabbie will soon start talking about the clash of the old and the new. And if he is an obstinate fool – like mine was recently – he will still try to defend the indefensible:
Sahab, people like talking highly about these new Santro cabs. But if you have lot of luggage, which one would you prefer? Of course, our Premier Padminis – they have much more spacious boots.”
A long pause, and then, finally, an admission, although indirectly:
Sahab, biwi budhi ho jaati hain, lekin phir bhi hum usko pyar karna bund thodey hi karte hain, na?”

Written by Raju Bist

February 14, 2013 at 7:11 pm

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Raju Guides: Claimed cure for diabetes

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A woman (65) was diabetic for the last 20+ years and was taking insulin twice a day. She used this homemade medicine for a fortnight and now she is absolutely free of diabetes and is taking all her food as normal including sweets. The doctors have advised her to stop insulin and any other blood sugar controlling drugs.
Ingredients:
Wheat 100 gm
Gum (of tree) (Gondh) 100 gm
Barley 100 gm
Black Seeds (Kalunji) 100 gm
Method of Preparation : Put all the ingredients in 5 cups of water. Boil it for 10 minutes and put off the fire. Allow it to cool down by itself. When it has become cold, filter out the seeds and preserve water in a glass jug or bottle.
How to use it? Take one small cup of this water every day early morning when your stomach is empty. Continue this for 7 days. The next week repeat the same but on alternate days. With these 2 weeks of treatment the patient will become normal and can eat normal food without any problem.

Written by Raju Bist

December 29, 2012 at 5:58 am

Posted in Uncategorized

Remembering Lalit Sheth

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Had a shock of my life yesterday on reading this headline in the morning paper: `Raj Travels owner leaps off Sea Link’.
Lalit Sheth used to be one of my regular journalistic `contacts’ – someone you could call up and meet for a round of gupshup over coffee. Often, you didn’t even have to call. You could just land up in his office, knowing fully well that he would stop doing whatever he was doing to accommodate you.
We went back so many years that I don’t even remember when I first met him – in my Business India tenure, or earlier, my Bombay magazine days. But I always remember him – and now this is beginning to sound like an obit – as someone affable, perennially smiling.
He was always optimistic, about his industry, his own business plans. He would share with me with great excitement plans for his ventures that went dud – an airline, a range of budget hotels beginning with one in Ahmedabad.
The lad from Calcutta had come to Golden City Mumbai with just a few thousands in his pocket to turn the package tours industry on its head.
Seeing his cheerful outlook, you could never guess that there was so much turmoil in his life, all boiling over to his ultimate suicide.
But then, as they say:
Yeh chehra to zamane ko dikhane ke liye hain
Yeh gum to seene mein chupane ke liye hain

 

 

Written by Raju Bist

August 3, 2012 at 7:58 am

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The smart DIL

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She works as an Executive Assistant in a north Mumbai firm, abhors train travel and often takes her car to office.
PN has been driving since her school days. “I am very comfortable behind the wheel and can drive faster than any Mumbai cabbie,” she claims.
But as she nears her home in central Mumbai every evening, PN slows down, and if she spots her mother-in-law hovering around the main gate to their building, quickly swerves into a nearby lane.
Why?
The unlikely explanation, in PN’s own words:
“In the past, my MIL has often caught me at the gate and said, `Beti, tu aa gayi? Please drop me to the temple, na…’ But on the way, she has made me stop at nearly half a dozen shops, always saying, ‘I will take only a minute.’  So now when I see her I avoid her till she catches an auto and goes off on her own.”
Now here is one smart DIL who has it all worked out…

Written by Raju Bist

May 18, 2012 at 7:59 pm

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