Not On Assignment

A journo's jottings under no deadline pressure (since Jan 1, 2010)

Only in Delhi (Real life story)

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DAY 1
Primary School Teacher:
Samajh mein aaya?
Student:
Madam aap ne smile kar diya, woh hi kaafi hain

DAY 2
Student:
Madam aaj aap ki choti chhoti lag rahi hain, kya baat hain?

Written by Raju Bist

June 21, 2013 at 5:02 pm

Posted in Only In India

Scene in a marriage: Smart hubby

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Wife (serving poha to husband): What will you have with this, the aam ka achaar prepared by your mom or the new pudhina chutney that I made yesterday?
Husband: A little bit of both, dear…
Husband (To himself): A smart husband knows how to keep both his wife and her mother-in-law happy

Written by Raju Bist

June 8, 2013 at 8:59 am

Why he comes home late from his morning walks

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Good friend AD is a regular when it comes to morning walks. For many months an elderly gentleman – let’s call him SK – has been his walking partner.
But of late AD has been noticing something odd. SK lingers on in the garden they walk in long after the other regulars have gone home.
Here, in in his own words, is SK’s secret: “If I go home early, my daughter-in-law tells me, `Babuji, please bring milk from the shop’ or `Babuji, please drop Munna to school.’ My bahu is always keen on making me work. It’s better I hang around in the garden for a longer time.’

Written by Raju Bist

May 18, 2013 at 10:06 pm

Posted in Uncategorized

Kahat Kishoreji: One-armed wonder

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There was this young man who decided to build his body. He bought all the necessary home gym equipments and also started referring to many fitness books.
Six months later, he met a friend who said, “Wow, you are looking great! But how come the biceps, triceps and forearms of only your right arm look developed?”
“Oh, it’s very simple,” replied the young man. “I am learning through correspondence course. I will work on the other arm later.”
Many students come to yoga class only with the intention of learning exercises to cure some ailment or the other.
But yoga is much more than asanas. It is a way of life. Apart from asanas, pranayama, kriyas and mudras, you should also pay attention to your food and sleeping habits, what you read as well as your social behaviour.

Written by Raju Bist

May 10, 2013 at 9:29 am

Posted in Kahat Kishoreji

The wit and humour of PU

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PU is one of the wittiest girls I have ever around. A born comic, she is aware of her talents and wants to make a career in radio or on stage. But this being India, her parents want her to take up a “respectable” and “steady” career in India.
As she awaits a job – even while her other classmates have already started earning – PU has not lost her sense of humour:
“Since I am now sitting bekaar at home, my mom does not miss a single opportunity to make use of my skills. `Beta kuch ni kar rahe ho… chal mutter cheel,’ she will say, or `Beta bai char dino se nahin aayi hain chal zara jhadu poncha maar de.’ ”


Written by Raju Bist

May 9, 2013 at 10:53 am

Posted in Uncategorized

Start writing the obit…

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These days it’s all about the eventual demise of the Kaali Peeli, the iconic black and yellow Premier Padmini model cab in Mumbai. Other newer, more nimble Santros and Altos and Omnis are on the road now and it is now only a matter of a few years when the last of the Kaali Peeli would have been taxied into history.
So when you end up sitting in one of them, the cabbie will soon start talking about the clash of the old and the new. And if he is an obstinate fool – like mine was recently – he will still try to defend the indefensible:
Sahab, people like talking highly about these new Santro cabs. But if you have lot of luggage, which one would you prefer? Of course, our Premier Padminis – they have much more spacious boots.”
A long pause, and then, finally, an admission, although indirectly:
Sahab, biwi budhi ho jaati hain, lekin phir bhi hum usko pyar karna bund thodey hi karte hain, na?”

Written by Raju Bist

February 14, 2013 at 7:11 pm

Posted in Uncategorized

Raju Guides: Miracle fruit juice

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It is like a Miracle Drink! And it is simple.
You need:
1 beetroot
1 carrot
1 apple
That combine together to make the juice.
Wash the above, cut with the skin on into pieces and put them into the juicer and
drink the juice immediately.

Written by Raju Bist

January 5, 2013 at 10:48 am

Posted in Raju Guides