When the Khannas went shopping to Dadar

The main characters in our story: Namit Khanna, 44; his wife Chandni Khanna, 40; and their son Ankur, 14.
So the three landed up in Dadar (West) one fine morning recently for the family’s Diwali shopping.
As soon as he parked his car, Namit told his wife, “You will take hours shopping. What are we boys supposed to do?”
“Go and eat something at Flora in Worli. And here, take my credit card,” said Chandni.
Two hours later, the boys were back, Namit cribbing that Chandni’s shopping was still not over and adding that they were still hungry.
“Go and have some snacks at Saurashtra. They have excellent samosas. And here, take cash,” said Chandni.
The boys were back 45 minutes later.
“Darling , let’s go to Dadar (East). I still have little shopping left to be done,” requested Chandni.
But as soon as his car reached Dadar TT from Tilak Bridge, Namit turned left and sped towards home, an hour away. “No more shopping,” he declared. “I am feeling sleepy now. Can’t miss my siesta.”
Chandni would quote her favourite line to her friends, “Yeh husbands sab kaminey hotey hain,” before adding, “And to think that the two enjoyed all that food with my money!”

Getting the monkey off his back

There is this India-born entrepreneur based in Germany, a young man doing some path-breaking work in microprocessor tech. His work has been noticed by many VCs, including one based in Seoul, South Korea, which wants to tie up. Delicious carrots are being dangled: funding he could never have dreamt of, office and residential space in posh Seoul locations, etc.
The VC is bombarding him with calls/emails/WhatsApp messages every week.
But our Indian friend is not interested.
Finally, when the communication became a deluge and a major irritant, the entrepreneur had a brainwave.
“What if I shift lock, stock and barrel and Kim Jong Un bombs Seoul?” he asked the VC guy the next time he called.
He hasn’t heard from him since.

Kahat Kishoreji: Hearing the sage’s advice

Once, a snake went on a biting spree, attacking everyone in sight. The villagers went to the local rishi to complain.
The rishi called the snake (in those days, sages could converse with all living beings) and asked him, “Why do you go around biting people? It’s not a good thing. You should stop biting people.”
The snake agreed to follow the rishi’s advice.
He stopped biting people. But now, emboldened at his changed nature, human beings started making life miserable for the snake. Small kids started pelting stones at him, grown-ups began beating him with sticks.
One day, the rishi came across the snake, lying half-dead on the road.
“What happened to you?”
“These people have been tormenting me.”
“But why didn’t you get back at them?”
“You told me to stop biting people.”
“Well, I did not ask you to stop defending yourself.”
Moral of the story: Always be self-confident.

Eavesdropping: When I went to buy eggs

“So I went to buy eggs yesterday. The shopkeeper gave me an earful.
`Don’t you know Navratri is going on? How can I stock eggs?’
The bastard! Hasn’t he ever heard that the customer is king? I will stop going to his shop now.”

Kahat Kishoreji: A thing for pani puri

Kishore Sir yesterday at the yoga session attended by Ronz:
“I often notice that after class you people go to the right when actually you stay on the left side. Why?”
“Sir, that’s because we go to have pani puri after classes,” replied Sushma Puntambekar very sheepishly.
So Kishoreji told his class yet one more story:
“Once God found himself in a predicament.
He called his trusted aides and confided: `I am observing that heaven is getting overcrowded. Nobody is going to hell. We must do something to correct the situation. I need some ideas please.’
There was a long brain-storming session and many ideas were suggested, including getting clans to fight and kill one another. But God was not happy. Finally, he himself had a brainwave.
`Let’s teach human beings how to get into temptation.’ ”
Postscript: Roopa Chakraborty to Ronz: “Wow, that was a great story. I am not going to have pani puri today. But tomorrow is another day.”