The changing face of rural India

And you thought dehati folks were still stuck with collecting fodder for their livestock, taking them out grazing and playing volleyball in empty fields?
Change your thinking.
A nephew from the city, stuck in a small village in Uttarakhand due to Covid-19, called to say that he gets bored in the evenings.
His two best friends are not around every day for two to three hours.
They go to a villager’s house for – hold your breath – tuitons in all subjects!

By Invitation: What if a bawaji became the Prime Minister?

Written by a lover of dhansak, and malice to none, via the University of WhatsApp

What if a bawaji became the Prime Minister?

Stop laughing. This is a very serious fantasy.

Our PM would know when to clap if any symphony orchestra visited the country. He, or she, would also clap people into jail with a zero-tolerance attitude for corruption.

The Army, Navy & Air Force Chiefs of Staff would have to deal with a boss who’d be even more finicky than them, about maintaining their tanks, ships & planes. Who knows how many Court Martials may occur for a spot of oil on a tarmac that ought not to have been there?

Everyone in India would learn how to play the piano. This would foster harmony in the neighborhood, people would drop in for sing-a-longs every evening and copious amounts of beer would be drunk. You can’t riot against people you’ve been drunk with after all.

A Parsi PM would hang out with the Queen ‘back home’ and convince her that the Kohinoor really ought to return home to India. (Another fine example of Dhansakh Diplomacy at work.) A Parsi PM would laugh a lot, swear a lot, eat a lot, drink a lot and entertain like crazy. World leaders would swing by India when they needed a good laugh. And great food.

Trains would run, planes would fly, the environment would get cleaner, the cities greener. Smoking would be stubbed out, poverty would be rubbed out. The Left would grumble, the Right would mumble, the middle would rumble contentedly.

The Judiciary would have incorruptible bawa Judges. In five years flat they’d expedite the zillions of cases that have clogged the courts. Any frivolous lawsuit would be dealt with a swift dismissal, any true plea for justice would be swiftly dispensed.

The parallel system of goondagardi would lose its relevance as people believed in the system, the State once again.

There would be a Ministry Of Dhansakh. This would be known officially as the Ministry Of Diplomacy of course, serving up cauldrons of the good stuff to leaders of other countries. Naturally, once they were stuffed senseless, they would sign treaties that benefited the country immensely.

All car & bike owners who didn’t maintain their cars and bikes in an impeccable manner, would be summarily shot. Their vehicles would then be auctioned off, to find a home where they would be loved and taken care of, for the next hundred years.

Parliament would be home to some very un-parliamentary language. ‘Bhosri no’, ‘choothyo’, ‘bhangi’ and ‘lauro saalo’ would have to be explained to the translators of visiting dignitaries well in advance as being mere expressions of warmth and welcome. This would avoid anyone starting a nuclear war.

Additionally, the PM would have to undergo sensitivity training to avoid calling President Obama, ‘te kaaro saalo’.

Liquor companies would have to recalibrate their bottles, to account for Parsi Peg measures. Egg farmers would laugh all the way to the bank as the country discovered the glory of ‘everything par eeda’. Life Insurance companies would moan about skyrocketing cholesterol levels, but such is life.

The national airline would be handed back to the Tatas. This would mean Air India would have hot bawi air hostesses with names like Roxane and Persis and Bachi, instead of the current matronly, grumpy brigade in the sky. Accompanying them would be gay bawa pursers with names like Ronnie and Tempton. In-flight magazines would also have to explain to foreigners flying on board that, ‘kem chhe, madarchod?’ is but the Captain’s friendly welcome as you enter the aircraft.

The suburbs of most cities would be bombed, razed and rebuilt, like baugs. This would allow non-Parsis the right to host inter-baug games and give old men across the country, the right they had hitherto not enjoyed, to legitimately stare lasciviously at young girls thumping volleyballs across nets well into the night. The price of pacemakers would plummet, given their rising demand.

China’s attempts at building roads and train tracks near the Siachen border would be met with swift countermeasures. ACC and L&T would swing into action, to build a network of highways and tracks that would send the ‘cheena gadheros’ packing.

India would exert tremendous pressure upon Iran to behave itself in the Middle East. The Iranis of India would be commissioned to show the Iranis of Iran how to set up coffee shops around the world that served brun maska and sugary sweet tea, earning rich foreign exchange in return. This would get the mullahs very agitated, but the Brun Pao Spring would be irreversible. Embargos would be lifted (Obama would have to, else no more dhansakh) and Make My Trip would offer bumper low prices on Tempting Tehran package tours.

The Jam-E-Jamshed would have a higher circulation than the Times Of India. Everyone would want to know about what the PM said in his own community newspaper first. The Times Of India would promptly rebrand Bombay Times to Bawa Times and throw a launch party with Tanaz Godiwalla catering to boot. Queenie Singh would sport a gara miniskirt. This would leave Parsi women fuming and Parsi men steaming.

A Parsi PM would crack the country up when he spoke in Hindi every Republic Day from the ramparts of the Red Fort and would laugh the loudest himself when he was lampooned by the Comedy Store. Now that’s a happy thought for this Navroze.

Into that heaven of completely benign lunacy, dear Father, let my country awake!

Forwards Ki Duniya: The Falcon And The Branch

🦅THE FALCON AND THE BRANCH🌲

Once a king received two magnificent peregrine falcons as a gift from one of his vassal state. They were the most beautiful birds he had ever seen. Though the falcons were still quite young at the time, they were beautiful specimens specially groomed for keeping in his court. The king called the head falconer and handed the two beautiful birds to be trained.

The falconer trained the birds for months. But one day the falconer informed the king that one of the falcons was flying and soaring high in the sky while the other has not moved from its branch since the day it had arrived.

“I’ve never come across a bird as stubborn as this one before,” the trainer complained to the king. He went on to describe how the creature ignored, refused and stubbornly lashed out at his every attempt. “Maybe there is something wrong with this bird. It just won’t fly,” said the trainer. The falconer was one of the best in the land, his talents widely lauded by all who knew him. So the king decided to give the trainer some more time to make the bird fly.

Months passed but the falcon never moved from the branch. The kings summoned all healers, sorcerers and other trainers from all over the land to make the falcon fly. But none of them succeeded and the bird did not move from its perch.

One day a farmer was passing by the palace and heard about the stubborn falcon who wouldn’t fly. He thought he would give a try to make the bird fly.

Having tried everything else, the king was desperate to make the bird fly, so he allowed the farmer an attempt to make the bird fly.

The next morning the king was thrilled to see the two magnificent birds soaring high in the sky from his balcony.

The king did not witness the feat himself, so he had the farmer brought before him to answer to his questions.

“I would like to know your secret,” the king said. “Tell me, how did you achieve what the most highly trained, intuitive and wise men could not? How did you make the falcon fly?”

The farmer peered up from beneath his brow. “It was actually quite simple, your highness. I just cut the branch on which the bird was perched.”

We all are made to fly. But at times we sit on to our branches, clinging to the things familiar to us and never attempting for a change. The possibilities in the world are endless, but most of it remains undiscovered because we never attempt to go beyond our comfort zone.

We conform to the familiar, the comfortable, and the mundane. We need to go outside of our comfort zone, destroy the branch of fear we cling to and free ourselves to the glory of flight!

By Invitation: Arresting corruption

Written by Abdul Rahman

These days corruption is rampant in a big way. No elaboration is needed as to what corruption is. As the dictionary says, it is  ‘dishonest or immoral behaviour or activities’. But, in fact, it is so bad a thing that it deprives man from substantially realising the vast potential God has endowed him with.

Money and corruption
Mother of all corruption is money.
In itself, money is not a bad thing. Rather, it helps in leading a decent and learned life. But allurement of money tends people into corruption. Amassing of wealth, rationally or irrationally, seems a great source of pleasure to man. However, it is just a case of perception, not a matter of pleasure in real sense. This fact may be revealed to only those who think and contemplate.
Those who gross themselves into the mire of corruption underestimate the greatness of life. A corrupt person gets deprived of even normal functions a healthy and honest man is capable to do.
This happens due to the reason that the corruption finds its origin in ‘lies’. As a matter of fact, a ‘lie’ destroys or badly destabilises the configuration of brain designs. This inbuilt natural mental arrangement is utmost necessary for a man to keep his human qualities and capabilities intact.
If given a serious thought, everyone can  spot the vices associated with corruption. Consequently, no one would like getting trapped in corruption just for accumulation of  wealth.
As an established fact, temptation for more and more wealth is very strong in human beings. A stronger incentive is, therefore, required to counter it effectively.

Simple tips to resist the temptation

• There are horizons where we can derive  pleasure, value  and sense of fulfilment more than money can provide. Let us try to discover such fields. Apart from knowledge and fine arts, contemplation into the vastness of the universe may provide a lead in this direction.
  Here, temptation for more and more wealth starts weakening its grip.
• An undeniable fact, man dies. Even those who have amassed huge wealth also die, leaving behind what they had once been proud of.
  Here, temptation for more and more  wealth starts showing its irrationality.
• The people who believe in God and the ‘day of judgment’ know that man is accountable to God for what he does and what he possesses. Here, temptation for more and more wealth starts losing the glamour associated with it.

The best strategy
‘Simple living and high thinking’ is still a relevant policy. Simple living saves you from the trap of greed whereas high thinking keeps you happy in exploring the higher realities. Those who practise this model, not only live a happy and  contented life but also contribute a lot towards turning our society into a likely garden of paradise.
Earning money and utilising it is always welcome, but amassing of wealth for the sake of wealth is not.

Altruism, or something else?

Mama – well, that’s what everyone calls him – works as a security guard at a shopping mall. Near the mall is an orphanage on a vast tract of land with many trees. Mama’s son was working as a gardener at the orphanage.
One day, the son was high up on a tree, trimming its branches when he lost his balance, fell down and died while being rushed to hospital.
Even before he could be cremated, the orphanage management offered a sweetener to Mama – they would take care of his grandson’s study, clothing and food expenses till he graduated.
“How magnanimous of them,” declared one half of the people who heard the story.
“Oh, they just protected themselves, fearful that Mama would blame them for his son’s death,” said the other half.
So, what do you think, was it just altruism, or something else?

Phoolwati ka gussa na dekha ho…

There is big turmoil once again in Phoolwati’s house (Phoolwati is our nickname for this domineering flower seller in our locality, with two daughters and one son, all married, and a lamb of a husband).
This time, it is her DIL (daughter in law) who has raised a flag of rebellion.
The son and DIL got married last year, with the boy working in a Mumbai bank and the girl retaining her teaching job at her hometown in Nashik. The wife would come down to Mumbai to meet her husband on weekends and holidays and vice versa.
All seemed well in the young couple’s long distance marriage – till last week.
Phoolwati suddenly announced that her DIL had to chuck up her job and come stay permanently with her husband’s family in Mumbai.
Nothing doing, declared the DIL.
When last heard, Phoolwati had `ordered’ her `stupid’ son to divorce his wife.